Pain is a proof of love

Pain. The countless hues that make up the universe and all that is within it are encapsulated in this singular, all-encompassing emotion. Despite the fact that above all human desires is the wish to be free of it, pain is an inseparable part of our existence. The very act of giving birth is one of unspeakable pain. Not just for the mother, but also for the baby—hence the use of the phrase ‘birth trauma’—even without any actual damage or injury. We can trace our very origins to this least desirable of all feelings. The truth is: there is no life without pain.

Most people identify the idea of pain with mostly that which is physical: a gunshot wound, an accident injury, a malfunctioning of any of the body’s constituents, and the most dreaded among the ordinary ones: a visit to the dentist. But pain, like any other feeling, is all in the mind. It is not the intensity of the assault but our capacity to tolerate it that defines the pain we experience. That’s why different people have different ‘pain thresholds’—the point where you begin to feel pain. And that is also the reason why our mind—and therefore our body—can be trained to expand its ability to absorb pain. Soldiers are the perfect embodiment of this. And so are stoics—unflinching in the face of whatever life brings their way.

Acceptance of pain is considered to be a step towards higher spiritual elevation. And it does not merely refer to pains of the physical variety. The pain of loss is a bigger, more enduring injury than anything that can be inflicted upon the body: loss of love, loss of a home, loss of dreams, loss of a vision and sometimes even the loss of an illusion. The stoic philosophy teaches the mind and heart to take loss with calmness.

However, perfect acceptance of pain is perhaps possible only in ascetics that have renounced the world along with the joys it extends. Just as we need to be acquainted with darkness to appreciate the radiance of light, it is when we expose ourselves to extreme pain that we can truly experience the burning ecstasy of extreme joy, extreme delight. Agony of the heart has been known to produce some of the finest poetry, literature and music compositions in the world.  In fact, pain itself can be a cherished emotion sometimes; as Julian Barnes says in Levels of Life, there is a point when you just wouldn’t let go of the throbbing in your heart: “If the pain is not exactly relished, it no longer seems futile. Pain shows that you have not forgotten; pain enhances the flavor of memory; pain is a proof of love.”

But then, there is something beyond a person’s individual pain—reaching a state where we feel the pain of another. When we can feel that which we have not experienced, when we can work for those we have neither known nor loved, when we can move out of the shell of our own misery and expose ourselves to the agony of the universe; that is the moment of the spirit’s triumph. People who are remembered for treating humanity as their own—and people who could not be remembered for they let no one know about what they did—became one with the universe because they shared the pain.

Yes, the pursuit of happiness is, and forever will be, the crux of all human desires. But, as Kahlil Gibran says, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain”.